You Gotta Love It

This morning I had to have a “talk” with my boss. Or rather, she had to have one with me. You see, this resident came in complaining that he is being harassed – that is what about 5% of all zoning violatators I deal with say – and that his neighbor is getting off without a summons. Let’s call the complainer Asshole, and his neighbor Fatty. Fatty and Asshole used to be friends, years ago. Fatty even helped Asshole build his garage, which required a variance because of its extreme dimensions. But anyway, long story short: Last year I issued Asshole a summons for not trimming a bush. Let’s be honest, I could give a flying fuck, but it is on a narrow street and Fatty couldn’t see when exiting his property. With all the kids around, it was a recipe for disaster. Asshole got the summons dismissed, partly because I waited too long and he had actually trimmed the bush, and by the time I inspected it again it was grown out again. On the other side of the fence (literally), Fatty has an unregistered truck sitting in the driveway, which is a no-no, and they put some kind of overhang on the garage which is pushing Asshole’s fence over. I originally sent a notice to Fatty in October, and a few days later ran into him about town while inspecting another property. He said he would send some pics to me which would disprove my notice of violation, and the vehicle would be removed when they got the title to junk it. Come February, I had forgotten all about it and hoped it would just go away. Needless to say, no such luck. Dumb Fuck.
So Asshole sees me driving by his property the other day, so I stop to get out and talk to him. He starts giving me his “harassment” spiel, and I just nod and listen. Then he comes in the other day for a permit to finish his attic, and we tell him he needs a permit. He is steamed. He started living up to his name. He went to Administration and complained. Everyone knows why he’s called Asshole. Everyone agrees that is an appropriate name for him, if tacitly.
Yesterday, he was here berating my boss. Now, for years he had violations on his own property (stones, glass houses, you know the deal). In part his anger comes from the way previous officials have handled the two property owners. Asshole gets excited and angry, and starts shouting, which does not make for a nice reception of his qualms. Fatty on the other hand has a nice demeanor, and tries as best he can, although sometimes he just doesn’t get the job done. But we’re all much more willing to work with the nice guy and slam the jerk. If you’ve ever had someone shout at you during the course of your workday you can imagine how you would receive anything he has to say.
So Asshole tells my boss that he heard Fatty is related to me by marriage. This is completely untrue; unless my wife has some secret sibling or something that I don’t know about. But Asshole feels as though I’m showing bias towards Fatty because of some fictional relationship. Ridiculous. So now I have to aggressively seek enforcement action on Fatty. I can’t wait for Boss to go see the properties and realize that Asshole has more violations than Fatty. Goodtimes.


Author: jayholler

A technology lover living in California with my wife and two children.

One thought on “You Gotta Love It”

  1. People can be crazy little assholes sometimes. I don’t seem to understand why some people think that rules are made for everyone but themselves.
    Here would be an interesting experiement. I wonder if Mr. Asshole is a Rebublican. Somone that hates “big government” and hates following the rules unless he can obtain specific socioeconomic gains. I wonder if he fits into the pattern of selfish behaviors that seem consistant with this Republican-type mindset?

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