Shutting off

Lately I have been a real hermit.

I didn’t really notice except today Anna posted on myspace commenting on my recent closed-off-ness.

Now looking back on the last few days i realize I have been REALLY closed off. Saturday afternoon I spent all morning doing tasks around the house while Anna was inside with Bunny and then later running her own errands with Bunny. At roughly 4:30 her parents took Bunny away, and shortly thereafter I decended into the basement for a while and Anna made plans to go out as I was very glad to have an oppotunity to spend some time alone. So she went out to the mall for a few hours and I switched between teaching myself UNIX and playing GTA:SA. That night I spent a LOT of time alone, and to be honest, i really liked it. I used to have so much time to myself that I was eager to interact with people, like when I lived in Bloomfield and was unemployed for 9 months. It was nice to have the house to myself, no doubt, but by the end of the day I was eager to interact with other humans. Recently though, I probably only get about an hour or two of pure alone time a day, and somedays that just isn’t enough. I have to point out though that Anna only gets alone time when I’m upstairs with Bunny giving her a bath, and rarely any other time. So it’s not exactly egalitarian. Although I honestly do think that I need to have time to myself more than Anna does. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s my guy reaction. But at the same time I have to recognize that Anna is spending roughly 99% of her time (asleep and awake) with Bunny, and the charge of caring for her. So if anyone deserves MORE time to themselves it’s definitely Anna.
So that’s where I’m at, feeling like a hermit lately and just wanting to clam up and shutdown. And I realize now that Anna has been asking me so much lately if I still love her and that she is taking my dimished communicating as a sign that I am getting bored with her or something. This is certainly not the case, but when I get in these funky modes I shutdown everything, indiscriminately. That being said, there is nothing that is bugging me or making me sad or anything like that, this just comes along every now and then and I just ride it out. I do wish I could have more time to sit down with UNIX and learn learn learn, but I’m sure we all have wishes that will go unfulfilled.


Author: jayholler

A technology lover living in California with my wife and two children.

3 thoughts on “Shutting off”

  1. Well, that’s not what my blog was about Jay. Reread it and consider the context.

    I love yo very much and if it’s any consolation to yo my mom says that as soon as her kitchen is done she’s going to take Bunny on the weekends so that I can get some rest preparing me for Lila, labor and months of no sleep.

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